Fifty Shades of I Don’t Even Know, Crap Perhaps?

This weekend, I felt a burden lift off of my shoulder. That burden was EL Jame’s Fifty Shades of Grey, after a solid month of reading, I finally finished the entire trilogy. You can not look at television screen or open up a news paper without seeing some reference to the novels, so I decided to give it a go. The book that is comfortably perched upon the top of the New York Times Bestsellers List, is everywhere and it is about time that it found its way onto NotYourCoffeeBitch, for better or worse.

Personally, I had a weird love/hate feeling for the books, namely the reason why it took me a month to get through. Honestly, I only read the books, because I heard it was so taboo. For the same reason, I also read Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D.H Lawrence over the summer, and I would say that it is much more exciting, the writing is five million times better, it is philosophically intriguing and it is not nearly as sexist. The only thing that they did have in common was the fact that neither of the novels were as naughty as they were made out to be by society. Needless to say I was disappointed with the trilogy, and shocked that women are eating this up. I am not referring women enjoying the use of BDSM in the book’s sex scenes, I am referring to the way that Christian Grey treats Anastasia Steel like a child, and a material possession.

In the first book we meet Anastasia Steele, who is 22, has never been in a relationship and has never been touched, not even by herself. Which, come on, is not realistic at all. Oh and she says “geeze,” “crap,” and when she feels a little risky, she might drop a “double crap.” So really, Anastasia Steele acts 12 when she is supposed to be 22. She also has the spine of a jelly fish, and probably couldn’t define assertive if her life depended on it.

I couldn’t help but be reminded of Kristen Stewart while reading the…um novels (should I even call them that?). Anastasia was just dull, and uninteresting. I felt awkward just reading about her. Ana was one of those girls that tried to be awkward because she thought it was cute. I’m starting to notice a trend, instead of girls dumbing themselves down to seek attention, they pretend to be painfully awkward. CAN’T YOU JUST BE YOUR SMART UN-AKWARD SELF LADIES!?

The love of her life is the weirdest fictional character that I have ever read about. He is… A DOUCHE BAG! WHY DO YOU LOVE HIM MOMS OF SUBERBIA, WHY? Since I don’t want to ruin the book for anyone who is reading this and saying, “I just want to find out for myself,” I’m going to try my hardest not to rant too much about why I HATED Christian Grey, and to leave it as vague as I can.

First of all, he keeps warning Ana to stay away from him because he is a vampire sexist douche BDSM loving millionaire. The first time they kiss, he tells her that he wont go any further without the paperwork. WHAT? Upon hearing this I would think he is a weird egotistical psycho, but not Ana. The list of demands that he gives to her is just absurd, and I wanted to punch myself in the face for reading it. If you ever are in a situation where someone has to say, they aren’t into doing stuff with animals and children, you should just leave. I would think that is an obvious no, but apparently not in Christian Grey’s world.

All throughout the book, Christian has a problem recognizing that Ana is not a blow up doll, but a human. He has trackers in her phone, hardly ever lets her drive her car, and bought the company that she works for all to “protect” her. Honestly, he treats her like a child. The one time that she wore a skimpy dress to a club, he made sure that she knew her body was not hers, but his. Not to mention the fact that Ana was always worried about the mood that Christian would be in. Not because she cared about him, but because she didn’t want to be yelled at/have the shit beat out of her again. This is why, at no point in this book did I think, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

I guess that the biggest problem that I had with the book, was that Ana was not a person, but a possession. But past that, I don’t know why women liked that. I don’t think that women have fought this hard, to want to go back to square one. I felt that the books were a complete slap in the face of the equal rights movement.

Before I read Fifty Shades of Grey, I thought that the novels would be empowering to women. I thought that this would be a piece that embraced female sexuality. After, I was shocked that a woman would fantasize about such a thing. We haven’t worked this hard to be treated like children. We haven’t worked this hard to have people view us as indecisive pieces of property.

Simply put, I don’t understand it. Women of today are strong, powerful, and independent, nothing like Ana Steele. This is refered to as “mommy porn,” but would any parent want their child to be treated like Ana? Certainly no parent would want their child to treat people how Christian treats them. With this sort of abuse being called fantasy, I fear the direction in which we are headed as a society.

If you want a more in-depth view of this crap, please visit this blog, http://bizzybiz.blogspot.com/2012/06/50-screams-of-hate.html. I loved it as much as I hated Fifty Shades of Grey.

Photo Credit: Salon.com

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One thought on “Fifty Shades of I Don’t Even Know, Crap Perhaps?

  1. Whoa! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a completely different subject but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Great choice of colors!

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