Dear God

For those of you who aren’t familiar, there is such a thing as freedom of religion in America. Unfortunately, in the Bible Belt, it is more like, “ohhhh, you’re one of those people.”

Being a social liberal, in a conservative area, pissing off bible beaters happens sometimes…regularly. It also means that I get pissed off almost daily.

Today, a couple of girls were talking about how cute it would be to be pregnant at the same time while waiting to donate blood. I chimed in and told them that I would rather die than be pregnant. The fact that I didn’t want to help to push the overpopulation of the Earth over the edge, seemed blow their minds more than an atomic bomb.

“You don’t want kids?”

“No.”

“So you don’t want to get married.”

“Dear god no, what need is there to marry someone?”

“Well I don’t know about your book, but according to mine, unless I want to die a virgin, I have to get married.”

Boom, there’s the kicker. Whenever someone brings up “the book” as if it has legal power over all of us, I raise my eyebrow in disbelief. People that resort to this tactic already think you hold a ticket straight to Hell (in order to get there you have to catch the train on Platform 9 3/4). Anything that you say from this point on is just further verification that Jesus hates you. If they were to say, “well I believe that, yaddah, yaddah, yah,” okay, cool, but, news flash there is more than just one bible. Also, this might be really shocking to people, there is more than just Christianity. Buddha was a real person, not some fat guy that the slanty people have hanging around their restaurants. The lady wearing a scarf on her head probably didn’t plan the bombings on 9/11. Oh, and just because someone’s a jew, doesn’t mean that they are cheap.

Just thought you should know. You’re welcome small town America.

P.S, if you want to get married, just to have sex, that is a horrible idea. Do you understand that it’s “until death do us part,” or overwhelming legal fees separate us? It’s not something to jump into just because you want to get laid. Jesus Christ people!

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